Geist

One of my earliest memories is falling down the stairs.

I was convinced it was some ghostly wanker.

Later on, that memory told me it was me,

a shadowy doppelgänger.


Another vivid memory was of my Nan.

After she’d had a stroke, great damage it did incur.

She was barely the woman I’d known.

She was in there, but her body betrayed her.


A few days later,

I fell down the stairs, my head took a blow.

I was convinced that I’d blacked out.

Maybe it was, again, the twin shadow.


I remember swimming on the east coast,

Cromer or Hunstanton.

I remember getting caught up in a wave.

The shadow told me to give in.


As I let the water take me, I saw hands.

My grandfather pulled me from the water.

He’d saved me from drowning.

The shadow swore he’d get me later.


When I split my head open,

he’d laugh at my pain.

When my friend closed a fire door,

he forced my thumb into the frame.


When I put a two pence piece in my mouth,

he told me to swallow it.

When I saw a cousin’s Christmas present,

he made my hands open it.


When I was 13 the entire school called me Hitler

cos I had bumfluff facial hair.

I finally gave into him.

He was going to get his way and I didn’t care.


Thankfully I failed,

but I had let him fully in.

He’s been whispering in my ear,

he’s stalked me ever since.


I was an only child

and he was my secret friend.

But, he was always a part of me

and will be till the end.


The brother I never had,

the false memory.

Didn’t find out til my teens,

It was a lie my dad thought was funny.


He never knew the damage it did,

he thought that I was smart.

But I was so desperate for someone else,

I let a shadow in my heart.


I can’t blame him for the way the shadow

took form in my mind.

My imagination ran away from me

and began to become unkind.


It reflected the way I was treated

by my peers and so called friends.

He never would have expected

Shadow Peter would crave my end.


But now I regard him differently,

I’m much more self aware.

And while I don’t take his advice most of the time

about him I honestly do care.


I try to treat him as the broken, fragile thing he his

and let him talk to me, but not let him take the piss.

Because, he is just the shadow in this third dimension

and I’m the solid body, and I get to choose direction.


So, Peter, I know you’re listening, you fratricidal little cunt.

I love you, you fucking maniac, despite all your shitty stunts.

And I always will until the end of days.

and I thank you for being there with me, even if you are a massive pain.

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Starved

Empathy has become emaciated

Starved on passing glances

Truth in marasmus

Calorie deficient policies

empty

problems swelling like fluid

social edema

pitting us against

anyone ill enough

we decay

life sloughs away

all that’s left are barely skinned bones

and eyes,

the only thing living

Grown

As you grow, in a physical sense,

your perspective changes

You see more dimensions

Your world rearranges


As a babe, you crawl on the floor

As a toddler you’re upright much more

As a teen you discover the top of the shelf

As an adult you see the world of the self


When you grow inward

When you curl inside you

Cos you’ve grown too tall

For those around you


Your perspective changes

You see the world, and all the rest

through the lens of your heart

Through the eyes of your chest


You become sensitive

Because never

are the world and you

not seen together


These glasses tainted by ‘me’

Cause a lot of pain

As you have to go

inside yourself to see


Others don’t see

the world in your light

They don’t see you’re ingrown

‘you were born like that right?’


I grew inside myself

I stooped and drooped in defeat

I stared at the ground

and watched my own feet


I’m trying to grow, still

But I need to burst through

Flower through me

and grow towards you

Questin

I’m questing and searching

for a way to heal the tribe

In a way that’s something more

than a witty diatribe

reproduce the trippy shit

that’s inside of my head

wear my brain on the outside

and give other people the good shit instead

cos I’ve got ways of coping with this

I know how not to make every track a diss

I know how to keep afloat, not take the piss

Show the folks at home what it is

floating in a wave from another dimension

lying on your back ignoring apprehension

letting your inner child out of detention

and infecting minds with intuitive conception

Keep it on the fly, keep in on the wing

like stevie said dontcha worry bout a thing

cos fear is the mind killer like Frank Herbert said

and there’s nothing worse than a mind that’s dead

I’m looking

and tryna find

another piece

o’ mind

you got to go out of your head

to ever live before your dead

take a little hit, take a little trip

pull yourself away from the reality drip

take a sip of soma soma this

take a dip in allah allah this

feel the universe collide with you

feel the nothingness inside of you

acid trip hop in a cranial space

take you all along to the other place

have a little taste, throw it on your face

give out all your gifts to the human race

Preservative

I wanted to encase this day in amber

preserve it for 100 years

keep it jammed right where it is

protected from my fears

but life doesn’t work that way

it moves underneath your feet

it’s not static, it shuffles

sometimes it’s obvious, others discreet

sometimes change comes via words

sometimes changes comes via actions

change need to happen

to approach satisfaction

keep it moving

don’t stop in one place

don’t pull that look too long

you’ll get stuck with that face

let your mood evolve as life dictates

don’t get trapped in other versions

let your life evolve as it needs

don’t scream or cast aspersions

keeping things the same

is a sure way to ensure

you’ll get given drastic change

and your life will drastically detour

keep it going

keep on

keep it real

keep on keepin on

Anti Nomos

Experiences in life

can make you jaded

Escapes from life

can leave you faded

But you’re still here folks

you survived, you made it

The wave of dragons

you’ve slayed it


Try to solve

machinations internal

Try to extinguish

fires infernal

Through thoughtful exercise

you can turn all

The black holes up here

into a wormhole


Recalibrate constantly

try to keep in tune

Recalibrate ideas

vomit that which is fed by spoon

Place the card,

read the Rune

Don’t assume

it’s all doom and gloom


When it feels like

you’re forced to swallow a sword

When it feels like

you can no longer afford

To live life

without crossing a fjord

Don’t let cost

leave life unexplored


Don’t always

retreat inside

Don’t repeatedly

run and hide

Don’t let fear

become intensified

Don’t let you

be classified


It feels like

there are no more heroes

It feels like

there are just ones and zeroes

It feels like

there are just say no’s

It’s more like

the river still flows


As above,

so below

Waves

and Undertow

Shift gears,

take it slow

You don’t have to put on

another show


Another Mask, Another Act

intellectual cataract

Allow yourself to interact

reintroduce the things you’ve lacked


When you feel inspiration running thin

forgive yourself of your sin

Then you can begin

to play the game to win


Get away from your ‘self’

for your own mental health

for some social wealth

You don’t need a mechanical elf


There’s DMT

inside your head

Released automatically

just before you’re dead

When you’re tripping

on things left unsaid

Hallucinating coulda-shoulda

-woulda-been’s instead


Grab your life with two hands

make proper stands

A-gainst the sands

pouring from time’s hands


With no time

there’s no more to fear

All is possible

in the now and here


Whilst the drop

may appear

sheer

and severe


Make one resolution

Total revolution

Create your own institution

with your own elocution


Be both

Happy and Sad

Be both

Good and Bad

Be both

Lame and Rad

Be both

Forever and Fad