Space

I was a star like you
but I then imploded
I was a grand light
now I am a dull dwarf

The gravity we had
swung us too far

I am now an exoplanet
I am like Pluto
You’re still Jupiter
Your winds churning

My star
was black
unholy
sucking
tainting
the space
Killing
the light

My meteor mind
has crashed
down to earth
with force

and it sits
staring
at your
blinding light

I wanted our mutual orbit
to last for eternity
Now I must wait
for the rotation to let me see

The Shadow Rises (I Fall)

Layers of filth

accumulate around me

My skin becomes dirt

my limbs embed in ground.

I can’t be cleansed

it won’t go away

I am being swallowed

I am being buried

I once was human.

I once was whole.

I’ve been broken

into pieces.

I am broken

because I break others

I am not human

I am not human

(I’m still here

I’m still here

I’m still here

I’m still here)

Under the weight of who I am

the weight of what I’ve done

the weight of what I’ve not done

the weight of failure.

(I’m not a bad person

I’m not a bad person

I’m not a bad person

I’m not a bad person)

Compressed into the crust.

I fossilise in this pit.

I turn viscous

and melt into the core.

(I’m trying to fight this

I’m trying to stay alive

I’m trying to stay solid

I’m trying to stay here)

I taint the molten rock

cooling it

to a blackened husk

(I’m not toxic

I’m not cold

I’m not selfish)

I eat light

I eat life

I eat dreams

(I can bring happiness

I can bring joy

I can help)

I swallow the core

grow bigger and multiply

flooding the planet

with my disease

(I can’t hold it all in

It’s taking over

I am becoming

This disease)

The trees die

cancerous beasts roam

the sky falls down

the atmosphere shatters

Everything I touch

turns to dust

It all falls apart

under me

this world is left barren

by my toxic touch

those I love

will suffer for me

I leave this place

twist into space

shut the stars off

all at once

I eat planets

just for fun

The shards of me

splinter off into the void

and all that’s left

is the empty blackness

(I wish…

I wish I’d not begun

to exist

to live

to be known.

to be loved)

Setting sun

Sunstroke and beer

cloud my vision,

and all I feel

is self-forged division.


I’ve lost my flow.

Tainted by situations.

Poetry’s a no go.

I struggle to change stations,


and instead listen to

my own dead air.

This land was our land

but I’m now a deaf heir,


to a throne

of nothingness.

I’m the King

of meaninglessness.


Because I have nothing

of any interest to say.

It’s probably always

been this way.


Am I just a dirty thief,

a stanza crook,

stealing ideas?

Who gives a fuck!?


Cos I’m the problem.

I’m in the wrong,

and I distract you from that

with the words of my song.


I have nothing

nothing new to speak.

I’m just trying to hide

that fact I’m a freak.

Geist

One of my earliest memories is falling down the stairs.

I was convinced it was some ghostly wanker.

Later on, that memory told me it was me,

a shadowy doppelgänger.


Another vivid memory was of my Nan.

After she’d had a stroke, great damage it did incur.

She was barely the woman I’d known.

She was in there, but her body betrayed her.


A few days later,

I fell down the stairs, my head took a blow.

I was convinced that I’d blacked out.

Maybe it was, again, the twin shadow.


I remember swimming on the east coast,

Cromer or Hunstanton.

I remember getting caught up in a wave.

The shadow told me to give in.


As I let the water take me, I saw hands.

My grandfather pulled me from the water.

He’d saved me from drowning.

The shadow swore he’d get me later.


When I split my head open,

he’d laugh at my pain.

When my friend closed a fire door,

he forced my thumb into the frame.


When I put a two pence piece in my mouth,

he told me to swallow it.

When I saw a cousin’s Christmas present,

he made my hands open it.


When I was 13 the entire school called me Hitler

cos I had bumfluff facial hair.

I finally gave into him.

He was going to get his way and I didn’t care.


Thankfully I failed,

but I had let him fully in.

He’s been whispering in my ear,

he’s stalked me ever since.


I was an only child

and he was my secret friend.

But, he was always a part of me

and will be till the end.


The brother I never had,

the false memory.

Didn’t find out til my teens,

It was a lie my dad thought was funny.


He never knew the damage it did,

he thought that I was smart.

But I was so desperate for someone else,

I let a shadow in my heart.


I can’t blame him for the way the shadow

took form in my mind.

My imagination ran away from me

and began to become unkind.


It reflected the way I was treated

by my peers and so called friends.

He never would have expected

Shadow Peter would crave my end.


But now I regard him differently,

I’m much more self aware.

And while I don’t take his advice most of the time

about him I honestly do care.


I try to treat him as the broken, fragile thing he his

and let him talk to me, but not let him take the piss.

Because, he is just the shadow in this third dimension

and I’m the solid body, and I get to choose direction.


So, Peter, I know you’re listening, you fratricidal little cunt.

I love you, you fucking maniac, despite all your shitty stunts.

And I always will until the end of days.

and I thank you for being there with me, even if you are a massive pain.

The day the self help dies

You’ve spent the past 6 months

telling everyone how to be okay

and you tried to apply that shit

to your own life every single day

you said you could be okay

it was mind over matter

you could converse with the bad parts

and have a polite natter

with the depression, the anxiety,

the cloying dependency

but today

you knew this wasn’t the case

you couldn’t force a smile

to sit on your face

anything remotely zen

would be a ball of lies

cos you feel awful today

on the day the self help dies