C’est ne pas merde

“Throw enough shit at the wall

and something will stick.”

 

But now I’ve got a bedroom wall

that’s covered in human shit!

 

What do I do with this wall,

painted in horrid turd?

 

Frame it? Send it to the Loovre?

Title it ‘c’est ne pas merde’

 

Become a scatological Tracey Emin

With a wall covered in crap

 

Win the Turder Prize

Where do you go from that?

 

What other vulgar excrement

can I say is art?

 

Bottle up bodily gases

and call it Abstract Fart?

 

Piss on Whistler’s Mother,

claim it belongs to me?

 

Vomit in the Tate Modern

charge for the luxury

 

of seeing me spew projectiles

in the main gallery?

 

Spunk on the Mona Lisa

rename myself as Wanksy?

 

Maybe I shouldn’t throw feces

at the shitting wall

 

and instead write poems about phrases

that make no sense at all

 

I’ll wrap this poem up now

I’m sure you’ve had enough of it

 

and let’s be quite honest

it was a wall’s worth of (piss, puke, spunk and) shit

art is sexy

ART IS NOT MONEY

ART IS NOT EGO

ART IS NOT IGNORANCE

ART IS NOT A MONOPOLY

ART IS NOT PROPAGANDA

ART IS NOT BACK-BITING

ART IS NOT SABOTAGE

ART IS NOT A BOY’S CLUB

ART IS NOT OPRESSION

ART IS NOT YOUR PET

ART IS NOT YOUR BITCH

ART IS NOT YOUR WHORE

ART IS NOT YOUR SLAVE

ART IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

ART IS NOT A BUSINESS

ART IS NOT A DICK MEASURING CONTEST

ART IS NOT MUTUAL SYCOPHANCY

ART IS NOT THERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL IMPORTANT

ART IS NOT A FUCKING HAT

ART IS NOT AN AFFECTED MODE OF SPEAKING

ART IS NOT YOURS

ART IS NOT MINE

ART IS NOT A COMMODITY

ART IS NOT A COLLECTIVE

ART IS NOT A DEFENSE MECHANISM

ART IS NOT A CIRCLE JERK

ART IS NOT A SHADY CABAL

ART IS NOT EXCLUSIVE

ART IS NOT EXPLOITATION

ART IS NOT TYRANNY

ART IS NOT CHURLISH CRITICISM

ART IS NOT YOUR PLAYTHING

ART IS NOT A SIDE DISH

ART IS NOT MEGALOMANIA

ART IS NOT CONSERVATIVE

ART IS NOT A CONSOLIDATION

ART IS NOT A COMPETITION

ART IS NOT A CULT

ART IS NOT OBJECTIVIST

ART IS NOT BEING A HIPSTER

ART IS NOT A PDF

ART IS NOT CAPITAL

ART IS NOT A C.V.

ART IS NOT A JOB

ART IS NOT AN EVENT

ART IS NOT CHINESE WHISPERS

ART IS NOT ASSOCIATED WITH…

ART IS NOT A FEE

ART IS NOT A CUP OF COFFEE

ART IS NOT COSTA

ART IS NOT OPENLY QUOTING CAMUS

ART IS NOT SELFISH

ART IS NOT HURT PRIDE

ART IS NOT YOU

ART IS NOT ME

ART IS NOT A BEARD

ART IS NOT A LIST POEM

ART IS NOT A PUB

ART IS NOT WAR

ART IS NOT ATTITUDE

ART IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS

ART IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE

ART IS NOT WHAT YOU DO

ART IS LOVE

AND

ART IS SEXY