Movement

Smudged writing on the creases of my brain

Medulla Oblongata responds to the pain

Nervous system fidgets, shuffling in place

Restless legs kicking syndromes into space

 

Arms flail, neck snaps, shoulders tic-ing

Teeth grind, fingers crack, lips licking

Banking all these tells and all these glances

Holding in endorphins, submerging twitchy dances

 

Itching, scratching, bleeding behind my red eyes

Until I’m unconscious the movement never dies

But even then, it’s still a lot of work

As I awake with a start, what a hypnic jerk

 

So, I play an instrument, watch youtube or write

In an attempt to stop and fight

The constant need to move

avoid the shark swim groove

 

Always moving forward, never stop

Moving, moving, moving, moving until I drop

Yet, even when I die, I’ll not end up winning

Cos in my grave, I’ll probably end up spinning

 

Rotating like a Donner kebab in my spit grave

Strap disco lights to the headstone, post mortem rave

Connect an engine to me, for perpetual motion

and I’ll provide more energy than any fucking ocean

 

When I meditated, there was some improvement

But I’ve got no time for that, with all this constant movement

This story has no inspiring, final solution

Because I’m always spinning, I’m the human revolution

Space

I was a star like you
but I then imploded
I was a grand light
now I am a dull dwarf

The gravity we had
swung us too far

I am now an exoplanet
I am like Pluto
You’re still Jupiter
Your winds churning

My star
was black
unholy
sucking
tainting
the space
Killing
the light

My meteor mind
has crashed
down to earth
with force

and it sits
staring
at your
blinding light

I wanted our mutual orbit
to last for eternity
Now I must wait
for the rotation to let me see

Hello again

This old, familiar thing,

with it’s chest pounding sting,

infiltrates my mind,

gets under my skin.

It gets into my pores,

inflates my head thrice.

Makes my heart beat

outside my body, christ

I feel woozy.

I feel ill.

Because I lack

the requisite skill.

To handle people

that I don’t know.

To put on a show.

Like I’m responsible

Like I’m a grown up,

then they’ve shown up,

and I can’t meet their eye,

and I feel like

I’m gonna die.

I’m letting my neurosis

get the better of me,

bordering on psychosis.

They’re freaked out by me.

Drink some chamomile tea,

and stop thinking

about ‘me, me, me’.

For five seconds,

get out your head,

and take a breath,

stop being deaf

to what others are wanting

and needing.

They don’t need you

hyperventilating

in the corner.

Clammy and sweating,

like you’re in a sauna.

Grow the fuck up

For fuck’s sake,

don’t let trust in you

become a mistake.

Because you can’t

handle people

that you don’t know.

Take a breath.

Take it slow.

Fade in/Fade out

Fade in:

The light shines, the curtains bustle.

They stand alone.

The stage overwhelms, the audience frightens.

Knees quake, stomachs twist,

lungs collapse, bowels drop,

eyes dart, teeth grind

a croak, a choke

bubbles from their throat.

(The eyes pierce their skin,

the silence is deafening)

Fade out:

The light dies, the curtains fall.

They stand alone, the stage collapses.

The audience dies, knees break,

stomachs snap, lungs explode,

bowels fall, eyes bleed,

teeth smash, death rattle,

last breath, blood from their mouth.

(The eyes are theirs,

the silence is theirs.)

mealy mouthed

I bite my tongue so often,

it’s becoming a staple meal

because I don’t feel comfortable

talking about how people make me feel


I can’t tell how long these feels will last,

or if they’re even real

so instead of unclamping teeth from tongue,

my self and jaw I steel


I try to mete it out,

in prose, verse and rhymes

buy my angry, upset, betrayed mind

usurps my zen shit from time to time


because I never speak this shit

to the people that it’s aimed at

so it sits on blogs and hard drives,

never to be looked at


and instead I let it fester

inside my laptop and my brain

letting all my inner shit make me ill

and cause me psychic pain


and in the end I just wanna

shotgun blast my facebook wall

and upset as many people as possible,

simply stating ‘fuck you all’


but I can’t,

cos I don’t really mean any of it

I’m just het up, upset and fed up

of all the petty bullshit


of all the lines being drawn

of words being sworn

of feeling layers of scorn

every eve and every morn


some people are shitty

and it’s a pity

but being a cunt as well won’t help

so I’ll keep it all to myself


and vent, when I can to my girl and in verse

I don’t have to shoulder the world and universe

I’m a beast of burden, in many ways

but that’s not a role I have to fill, always

mouth piece

Eyes go cold
Skin over mouth
Innocence sold
No screams or shouts

Silence the boy
Speechless little toy

No way to communicate
Talked inside himself
Interior worlds to contemplate
Ignoring his own health

Inside him all he can see
Reflecting from Eyes, icy

They found him curled in a corner
Like a foetus
Wailing, scissors in hand
Snapped, some weakness

He’s carved himself
A new mouthpiece
With metal lips
The only problem was
He’s made them
Out of zips

Vomit

Its acrid taste swells
In my wretched oesophegus
Keep it in
Hold it back

I feel nausea take hold
I try to salve my body
I isolate myself
I force it down

Can’t let this Technicolor yawn
Show my innards
I must process this poison
To make the potion

If I expel it
I run away from it
What I’ve done
What I’ve imbibed

Too late
No control
Just get somewhere
It’s appropriate to vomi