shadow

I see behind your eyes
I hear behind your ears
I think behind your brain
I chew behind your teeth

I speak behind your lips
I eat behind your mouth
I walk behind your feet
I exist behind you

In the light I am cast away
turn from it and we are one
In the dark I am everywhere
no escape from it, we are one

I am the pain
I am the anger
I am the hatred
I am the violence
I am the lust
I am the beast

I am the shadow
I am always

ILO

A spark in the void

awareness in the black

unsure of where he’d come from

current location, he couldn’t map

lights glowed in the closeness

this room with no light

he reached out into the cube

with no proper sight

 

“Hello” he called out

and was immediately greeted

when seven of the same voices rang out

“I’m ILO, nice to meet you”

Their words broken the silence

with identical voices

The room jolted, they were inside a vehicle

the drivers disturbed by the noises

He heard the drivers exit

and walk to the rear

He felt uneasy

 and played dead in fear

The doors flung open

and light shone in

the other 7 bodies

greeted the men

“SHUT THE FUCK UP”

shouted the shorter of the two

The taller snorted

the cacophany was through

Our friend caught the shorter mans eye

and after scrutiny words were spoken

“Reset all but that ILO,

the rest are bloody broken.”

The tall man pulled out a screen

and selected 7 robots quickly

Pressed reset on the pad

introducing electricity

The other ILO robots

screamed until their voices went away

Our ILO stayed still

and silently planned his escape.

They stopped further on

at a petrol stop

ILO removed himself from the fastenings,

gently opened the doors and got off

Whilst the men were preoccupied

he ran in to the desert

with no direction of sense or self

anything to avoid reset

 

He wandered into the dunes

for hours, then for days

No idea where he was going

No wrong or right way

The lack of fuel

took it’s toll on the young machine

his battery had drained

and he fell to his knees

His vision and voice glitched out

as his memory shut down

he collapsed in a heap

upon the sandy ground

A shadow appeared

over ILO’s inert, polymer body

it’s own grew closer

and ILO was carefully prodded

“Hmm” said a voice

and ILO was picked up from the floor

Human body and legs

but arms something more

Metal upper limbs dragged ILO

over the barren dunes

“I’m gonna get you fixed up,

We’ll be home soon”

and over the crest

of a wave of sand

their stood a metal city

a robotic land.

C’est ne pas merde

“Throw enough shit at the wall

and something will stick.”

 

But now I’ve got a bedroom wall

that’s covered in human shit!

 

What do I do with this wall,

painted in horrid turd?

 

Frame it? Send it to the Loovre?

Title it ‘c’est ne pas merde’

 

Become a scatological Tracey Emin

With a wall covered in crap

 

Win the Turder Prize

Where do you go from that?

 

What other vulgar excrement

can I say is art?

 

Bottle up bodily gases

and call it Abstract Fart?

 

Piss on Whistler’s Mother,

claim it belongs to me?

 

Vomit in the Tate Modern

charge for the luxury

 

of seeing me spew projectiles

in the main gallery?

 

Spunk on the Mona Lisa

rename myself as Wanksy?

 

Maybe I shouldn’t throw feces

at the shitting wall

 

and instead write poems about phrases

that make no sense at all

 

I’ll wrap this poem up now

I’m sure you’ve had enough of it

 

and let’s be quite honest

it was a wall’s worth of (piss, puke, spunk and) shit

crucial

We’ve been told to turn away

from our gifts

We apply the tourniquet

to our souls

Life’s now a tournament.

What we were

torn and bent.

Stuck on repeat

broken record

We all get more

broke and poor

We’re all now

bored and paused

Awaiting orders

born a pawn.

Little more

than game pieces

No time for peace

in this piece of time

Can’t keep up with

the Team’s pace

we all race

to the tomb

Want to return

to the womb

we try to

honestly view the room

but we’ve had

our views skewed

by bullshit bluster

and fake fake fake news

we face views

old and new

false and true

about me and you

But, we’re all

being humans

trying to be

humane beings

in amongst

profane scenes

Living out

propane dreams

Fracking

up our minds

Victims

of fractured mining

of past

and self

Left with

broken mental health

Sleeping

in a shared dream

awaken

to an isolated nightmare

we feel

the end of history

ignoring

the unfurling mystery

We had the key to heaven’s door

traversing beams that used to be floor

what once was light is dark

we see and end, but not a start

The Gods in our heads

became scabs

Nothing machines

broken, dead sky dads

Decaying into hate

dreaming all the same

shitfersoul

blood, fear, pain

I wish the lie would stop

the pig pen no longer cares

infecting sucking dry

kill you with their disease

copying their hurt

we die in silence

into the void

oblivion of silence

but the door is still here

if you look

readjust the narrative

and give a fuck

the other world

is bleeding through

it needs a vessel

that could be you

Be the God

your holy book needs

make sure you bite

the hand that feeds

liberate yourself

set your own standards

be your own deity

be your own master

5 years

“Where do you see yourself in the next five years?”

I’d like to still be alive, without fear.

Not asking for things to no longer be frightening

Just not have fear strike like lightning

 

I want to experience with the universe without shaking, anxious silence

I want to regard the world, as is, without self-blame or self-violence

Without abusing myself, to make up for a lack of control

To self-actualise, self-direct and decide my own role

 

To be defined by me and what I know I need

Not shaped by the wants of others, upon my soul they feed

To be the character of my own narrative

The protagonist, not extra or additive

 

I’d like to accept my Nihilism, and use it as a tool

Make the space to not give a fuck, embrace being a fool

Not let my life become tainted by shame

Stop being taken for a ride, played like a game

 

To be honest and authentic with everyone I meet

To not hide behind anxiety, it’s no mean feat

 

But, this is just a wishlist. Things will go as they will

Regardless of what happens, I’ll strive to kill

Things will change, as will I, in many ways

I’ll do my best, face what comes, still attempt to slay

Face all comers, dangers and possibilities

Which will test me, you, us all into infinity

 

I hope that we can face our flaws and stay true

cos what scares me the most, is a scared and frightened you

 

 

Boring

I can be a boring bastard

So I dig myself a hole

submerge myself in the dirt

let inertia take its toll

 

Leave me semi-buried

in the dirt, in the garden

I’ll spin in place

boring ever further

 

Disappear into the crust

My life is just a drill

I bore down into the core

and the hole above me fills

 

I land on the amber ball

at the center of the earth

and melt into it’s heat

and infect it with my curse

 

The world becomes unenthused

same old, nothing new

nothing new ever happens

nothing new, nothing new

Crossed Keys

Cigarette burns

on my lungs

shriveled liver

my pallet is messy

with fermented fruit

back in that place that had no culture

a carrion town, eating life, a vulture

Built around a past-facing sepulchure

Stuck in itself, kneeling before intertia

But this is a new future

I rectify my youth

Devils were slated by time

Same place, different space

We know the symptoms of our illnesses

our town bearing bad fruit

Tenements became testaments

Burning bushes seem quaint

The voices strained

Awareness Rising High

1st class Party Poopers

The traces of the tracks through Thatcher-town

Political discourse is not hopeless

We’re not helpless

Come together and beat all

the Nazis, Tories,

Nasty, selfish fuckers

Help each other

Hope again

Burn bright with luminescence

Write our testaments

Grow new possibilities

and brew our own medicine