C’est ne pas merde

“Throw enough shit at the wall

and something will stick.”


But now I’ve got a bedroom wall

that’s covered in human shit!


What do I do with this wall,

painted in horrid turd?


Frame it? Send it to the Loovre?

Title it ‘c’est ne pas merde’


Become a scatological Tracey Emin

With a wall covered in crap


Win the Turder Prize

Where do you go from that?


What other vulgar excrement

can I say is art?


Bottle up bodily gases

and call it Abstract Fart?


Piss on Whistler’s Mother,

claim it belongs to me?


Vomit in the Tate Modern

charge for the luxury


of seeing me spew projectiles

in the main gallery?


Spunk on the Mona Lisa

rename myself as Wanksy?


Maybe I shouldn’t throw feces

at the shitting wall


and instead write poems about phrases

that make no sense at all


I’ll wrap this poem up now

I’m sure you’ve had enough of it


and let’s be quite honest

it was a wall’s worth of (piss, puke, spunk and) shit


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