Secretariat

keeping running

don’t look back

just run

don’t stop


If momentum stops

Everything stops

The conveyor belt stops

My brain stops


I hijack enlightenment

to refuse my past

This anxiety

hijacks my present


When I think about things

I fuck them up

When I don’t think

I ace them, first time


I ruin simple things

complexity is easy

ease is complex

simple things ruin me


I try to wing it

to wing everything

but I’m an analyst

I notice everything


Smirks

glances

references

patterns


But the thing I notice

more than anything else

is me

I always analyse myself


those who care

call it introspection

or self-awareness

I call it narcissism


I notice everything I do

I notice how it’s wrong

I notice everything I say

I notice how I’m wrong

I notice how I’m stuck up

I notice how I’m dumb

I notice how I’m patronising

I notice how I’m young


and I notice these things in other people

but I refuse to let that in

I siphon up inconsistencies

and make myself the villain


A role for a role’s sake

A role that I detest and hate

Because I don’t know who I am

Apart from a reflection

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