Paper Toy

Between the heavy rollers

of my head and my heart

A thin sheet appears

On this busy days start

This compression

of opportunities for joy

Is depression

playing with me like a toy

It articulates my limbs

Whilst I fail to articulate feelings

It moves me about the house

and I’m left thieving and stealing

moments of levity

replaced with stony severity

My emotional chastity

makes me a case of charity

The thin, long plain

That offers mostly pain

Is due to the blinkers

placed on my internal thinkers

The analyst, philosopher, poet

I can imagine another option and grow it

But this long, flat surface

is all I can see, despite knowing it’s purpose

To crush me

To wear me down

To grab the joystick

and fly into the ground

But I’m going to have to fight it

This flight pattern, I will right it

This cathartic poem, I will write it

This cigarette, I will light it.

Because I refuse to lose

Right now I will choose

To say no to the conclusion forgone

I’m leaving the godamm ignition on

and I’m going to floor it

and at the end when I score it

I’ll give myself 10/10

for not folding back into bed again

and hiding beneath the duvet

and spending the entire day that way

and ignoring hunger or obligation

instead ramming full speed with no hesitation

Cos if my ego can punish me

for going too fast

Then I can hijack my ego

and make the speed last

Take control of the wheel

Ride this day hard

In my own car chase

I will have starred

and I’ll die and be reborn tomorrow

When my head and guts will feel hollow

When my co-stars will offer me sorrow

But right now, I will borrow

I’ll owe myself a debt

likely in the shape of regret

But for today, right now, this minute?



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