Between the heavy rollers
of my head and my heart
A thin sheet appears
On this busy days start
This compression
of opportunities for joy
Is depression
playing with me like a toy
It articulates my limbs
Whilst I fail to articulate feelings
It moves me about the house
and I’m left thieving and stealing
moments of levity
replaced with stony severity
My emotional chastity
makes me a case of charity
The thin, long plain
That offers mostly pain
Is due to the blinkers
placed on my internal thinkers
The analyst, philosopher, poet
I can imagine another option and grow it
But this long, flat surface
is all I can see, despite knowing it’s purpose
To crush me
To wear me down
To grab the joystick
and fly into the ground
But I’m going to have to fight it
This flight pattern, I will right it
This cathartic poem, I will write it
This cigarette, I will light it.
Because I refuse to lose
Right now I will choose
To say no to the conclusion forgone
I’m leaving the godamm ignition on
and I’m going to floor it
and at the end when I score it
I’ll give myself 10/10
for not folding back into bed again
and hiding beneath the duvet
and spending the entire day that way
and ignoring hunger or obligation
instead ramming full speed with no hesitation
Cos if my ego can punish me
for going too fast
Then I can hijack my ego
and make the speed last
Take control of the wheel
Ride this day hard
In my own car chase
I will have starred
and I’ll die and be reborn tomorrow
When my head and guts will feel hollow
When my co-stars will offer me sorrow
But right now, I will borrow
I’ll owe myself a debt
likely in the shape of regret
But for today, right now, this minute?
ME, MYSELF AND I, LETS FUCKEN’ DO ITTT
James Donnelly: Poet 